It’s The Full Moon -- Super Pink Moon 2020

Dear Seekers After Truth,

Tonight is a super moon.

The biggest and brightest of the year.

All around the world, people will lean in their doorways and gaze upward at the familiar glowing rock.

They will fantasize about setting up a tent in one of its vast shadowy basins.

It's the perfect place to spend the next 18 months.

But if you do choose to quarantine on the Moon, be warned: it’s a legal quagmire.

There is currently no consensus regarding which laws have jurisdiction on the lunar surface.

So if—god forbid—you find yourself in a Moon rover accident, be prepared to hire a team of international lawyers.

Fortunately, the White House is addressing the problem.

Just yesterday President Trump signed an executive order calling for a global Moon Treaty.

Apparently, NASA plans to mine the Moon for water and they're hoping to lay the necessary judicial groundwork.

Personally, I think Trump is still obsessed with outdoing Obama.

He wants that Nobel Peace Prize, and if he can’t snag one by establishing peace on Earth, he’ll just have to establish peace on an uninhabited celestial body.

It’s not the craziest thing he’s thought.

Anyways, here we go.


HOROSCOPES

Aries
This month, your birthday party will be attended by a housefly, your own shadow, and the distant sound of a neighbor blowing moldy leaves into your yard.

Taurus
This is the month when your secret life as a Zoom hacker really takes over.

Gemini
By the end of this month, you will resemble one of those facial reconstructions of an Ice Age hunter-gatherer whose skeleton was chiseled from glacier ice after 10,000 years.

Cancer
This month, you will realize that your only survival skills come from watching two and a half seasons of Lost and reluctantly perusing Thoreau’s Walden two decades ago.

Leo
This month, determined to document the historical moment we're living through, you will keep a handsome leather-bound journal near you at all times in order to record any noteworthy event. It will remain completely blank.

Virgo
This month, you will discover that a glass coffee table and an online exercise class do not mix.

Libra
This month, the hooded figures wearing long-beaked plague masks in your recurring nightmare will just seem considerate.

Scorpio This month, while watching the news, you will start to regret those three hastily-worded Monkey's Paw wishes.
Sagittarius
This month, you will be glad you spent your entire childhood closely studying Supermarket Sweep.

Capricorn
This month, you will think to yourself I should use this time to learn an instrument during a 1.5 second window between Netflix episodes.

Aquarius
This month, during a virtual business meeting, you will start to overthink the eye contact thing, glancing frantically from screen to camera, until everyone stops and the boss asks if you’re OK.

Pisces
This month, you will discover that you can cut your own hair and pierce your own ears in the same swift, reckless motion.


Stay safe, my friends.

—WD


Song of the Month:

"Quarantine," First Man Soundtrack